People don’t know how to listen. We talk, we offer advice, we occasionally work up the courage to confront, but we seldom listen to others. Helping – sharing the burdens of others – begins with listening. Listening starts with simply being present. Don’t know what to do when a friend is depressed or anxious or a parent died or their teenager ran away? Start by being present and listening to them. More than that, prove to them you heard what they said. Therapists refer to this as Active Listening: periodically paraphrasing or summarizing what was said. Some people don’t like to summarize; they’re afraid it implies agreement. It doesn’t. Reflective or active listening is merely an acknowledgment that you care enough about the other person to thoroughly understand what is happening in their life before you advise, agree, or confront. Confrontation is sometimes necessary. Confrontation doesn’t have to be a dirty word. To confront someone is merely to point out how their thoughts and actions don’t match up with their goals or beliefs. In the same passage where Paul admonished us to bear one another’s burdens, we are told to confront in a “spirit of gentleness”. It is difficult to be gentle if we haven’t taken the time to really listen.
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