I closed my blog that dealt with SBC issues some time ago. Not wanting to lose all the posts, I’m re-publishing some of them here with the date they were originally posted.
“I’ve done counseling”, the pastor sitting next to me exclaimed. “I know there are times when it is better to keep a confidence than to let everybody know”. He wasn’t referring to keeping counseling sessions confidential; he was specifically talking about church leaders being less than cooperative with one another during ministry meetings.
I’ve done a bit of counseling myself (a conservative estimate is 33,500 face-to-face, direct counseling/contact hours with clients over the past 23 years) and I agree: maintaining, confidentiality is important. But, the confidentiality I keep with clients is different from staying quiet about what I’ve observed outside the counseling office. In the counselor’s office, confidentiality involves informed consent.
Informed consent means the client (or “counselee”, if you prefer) has discussed with you (the counselor, shrink, therapist, or, my personal favorite, “change agent”) all of the ramifications and limitations of confidentiality.
Outside of my office, I’m occasionally asked, “Can you keep a secret? Will this be just between us?” No, not always. It depends. I refuse to keep a secret that endangers anyone. Thoughts/plans of suicide or homicide will be reported. As will allegations of child abuse or elder abuse.
What about inappropriate behavior by a church leader in a ministry/team meeting? Surely it’s better to keep that secret rather than open the church (or denomination) to ridicule. Well, that’s certainly one plan. Another plan would be to assume all will be shouted from the rooftops and not act like a buffoon. One doesn’t have to explain or apologize for thoughts that were never said or actions never taken.
The reason for confidentiality.
Confidences are kept so the counselee will be free to seek help without fear of recrimination. Usually, as therapy progresses and the person has made significant changes in thoughts and behaviors, he/she will be encouraged to disclose to family and friends those things kept secret thus far. Timing is everything.
Church leaders who misbehave (“misbehave”, used here, is a euphemism for sin) and are not seeking help have no need of confidentiality. Having others find out about an angry tirade in a deacon’s meeting, or porn being found on the minister’s computer, may provide the motivation necessary for him to seek help.
Can I keep a secret? You bet; I keep other’s secrets for a living. Will I keep your secret? Not necessarily; ask me first and convince me keeping your secret is an important part of your seeking help. Then I’ll tell you, “Sure… as long as it doesn’t endanger someone else.”
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