The other day I quoted Dr. Scott Haltzman (from his book The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever
The men who have been successful, in general, are men who are willing to step up to the challenge and do recognize it is their calling to find ways to make their marriages better.
Now, Jeff wants to know, “…why it is so hard for us to do?”
I think the answer some would give is, because I shouldn’t have to.
Too many men appear to believe that marriage should be easy. After all, when one works hard all day, coming home and relaxing is a just reward. Communicating, problem solving, negotiating, and mediating require effort.
It’s not that these men think of their home as their castle; they think of their home as a retreat center. It is as if they were saying, I’ve worked all day and now I am done.
On one of my less compassionate days (like today) I would say to these men: grow up. We really do appreciate something more if we worked to get it.
When I am feeling more compassionate I would say: have hope. Working on your marriage is like tending a garden; in the beginning it can be difficult, but it is much easier to maintain a garden after all the hard work has been done.
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Well said.
Hi Bowden,
Thanks for your vote of confidence, and your voice of support! I’ve been married for 18 years. And for the guys who don’t want to work at it…consider the alternative (visitations on wednesdays and every other weekend).