Marriage Quiz
Howard Markman and Scott Stanley are two of the leading researcher on the subject of marriage. Their Relationship Dynamics Scale can be found here. (If you haven’t already, check out Stanley’s book on Christian marriages – A Lasting Promise : A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage). Markman and Stanley identify 4 behaviors that [...]
Marriage Myths
Five common myths about marriage, according to Bill Dougherty: 1) It’s foolish to get married without cohabiting. 2) It’s best to wait to get married when you are financially secure. 3) If a marriage gets rotten it never gets ripe again. 4) If your marriage fails your children really want you to find another romantic relationship because they want [...]
How to Measure Marriage Counseling
People often ask me about my success rate in marriage counseling. The short answer is, “I don’t know. I’m not a researcher.” The longer answer involves issues like: how do you define success? Most would say that the couple is happily married. What’s “happy”? How long? If they’re still married a month later, is that [...]
Marriage Isn’t a Box
In today’s society, you are encouraged to view marriage as a box. First you choose a mate. Then you climb into a box. Once you’ve had a chance to settle in, you take your first close look at your boxmate. If you like what you see, you stay put. If you don’t, you climb out [...]
How To Win Your Wife Back
Some time ago, one of my clients brought in a book he had been reading. He had found Gary Smalley’s Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late to be very helpful to him. Since that time I’ve had other men tell me the book was helpful. While I believe Dr. Smalley would recognize that [...]
Talking About Divorce
I’ve often heard pastors and counselors say couples should take the word divorce out of their vocabulary. I understand what they mean: making threats isn’t good for any marriage. But, never thinking about divorce or mentioning the word isn’t a good idea. The reality is that with no-fault divorce laws written the way they are [...]
Marriage and Suffering
“Anybody’s marriage is a harvest of suffering. Romantic lotus-eaters may tell you marriage was designed to be a pleasure-dome for erotic spirits to frolic in self-fulfilling relations. But they play you false. Your marriage vow was a promise to suffer. Yes, to suffer; I will not take it back. You promised to suffer, only to [...]
20 Romantic Things
I am not by nature the most romantic guy around. Few men are naturally romantic; it’s a learned behavior. So I appreciate tips, ideas, and lists. Like this one from Christianity Today and Jill Savage. I think I’ll do number 7 for my wife tomorrow.
The Importance of Date Nights
Yesterday, I wrote that many of the couples I talk with look back fondly on the early days of their marriage. I think it’s the cohesion and teamwork – the “us against the world mentality” – that created a sense of positiveness in the marriage. I just can’t see youth and poverty as being beneficial [...]
Parenting and Marriage
One of the questions I ask every couple who sees me for marriage counseling is “When was the relationship at its best?” Often, the answer is when they were first starting out. They were young, poor, and had small children at home. The interesting thing about this nearly universal answer is that youth, poverty, and [...]
