My wife and I had dinner tonight with a couple from our Sunday school class. It was enjoyable, but a little awkward… you see I very rarely attend the church of which I am a member. For that matter, I rarely attend church with my family. For the past 6 years I have served as a long-term, strategic interim pastor for four different congregations. (I have been trained in both the Intentional Interim model as well as the Southern Baptist’s Transitional Pastor model.)
We (Sherri and I) made the decision not to drag the kids to a new church every 18 months. I still think it was a good decision, but I’m ready for a little break. For one thing, I need to remind people that Sherri really isn’t a single mother. And I need to meet some of the couples in my Sunday school class.
And, I need to take up my hobbies again. Part of the awkwardness at dinner was that the other three clearly knew one another and had some shared history… I was the odd man out. Another awkward part came when I was asked what I do for fun. I was forced to talk about the “yuse ta’s”: I used to play golf; used to fish and hunt; used to run; used to play softball.
But a full time counseling practice and a part-time pastorate doesn’t leave much time for golf or softball. In the office Monday through Friday, out of town at the church all day Sunday: that left one day for errands, work around the house, and preparing for Sunday (not so much the sermons – I was usually prepared for those – more the week’s worth of meetings that were crammed into one day). (I’ve been told a more accurate term than either part time or bi-vocational is “partially funded” because we’re expected to do all the same amount of work with only part of the salary.)
I hate it when I don’t practice what I preach.
Which brings me to the real point of this post. I’m speaking later this month on the topic of Stress in the Ministry. Specifically, I have been asked to address the issue of “Surviving the Intentional Interim Ministry” for the Intentional Interim Ministers in AR, MO, and OK. I spoke on a different topic last year and it was a little nerve racking. Most of the men are retired pastors. Some have been in the ministry longer than I’ve been alive. (And I’m supposed to give them insight into managing stress in the ministry?)
Here’s what I have so far (I’m hoping to get some good comments to include in my talk):
Set clear boundaries and keep them. We are taught that as Intentional Interim Ministers we should have a Covenant with the church: part job description, part contract, partly for accountability purposes. Unfortunately, I suspect most put their copy of the Covenant in a file and never look at it again. Taking it out and reviewing it periodically with whatever team, board, or committee that represents the congregation will make it a usable tool for maintaining boundaries.
When I was administering psychiatric hospital programs I always hated the “annual performance review”. It felt like an annual “gotcha ” session. Instead, I reviewed performance every few months: that way we could actually address issues instead of playing the blame game. And when the annual review came around (the one that counted for pay raises) no one was surprised. In fact, most received very good reviews. A covenant with a congregation includes what we will do for the church and what they are promising to do for us… including prayer, support, honesty, whatever has been asked of them.
Stay focused on the tasks at hand. The congregation has chosen to call an Intentional Interim for a purpose: we can’t lose sight of that. Many Intentional Interim’s have retired as full time pastors and are now serving as part time ministers. Reminding ourselves and the congregation that they no longer have a full time pastor will go a long way toward preventing burnout.
Don’t expect everyone to like you. Especially if they called an Intentional Interim following a church split or some other form of hurt or conflict. There are roughly six billion people on this planet: one or two of them are bound to dislike you at any given time. I occasionally remind the congregation I’m serving that when I do leave there will be some who will want me to stay and others who think I should have left months ago.
Consult, consult, consult. Don’t be afraid to make a phone call or send an email. There is no need to think you are the only one who can solve a problem. It’s okay to be stuck and not know what to do next. It’s not okay to quietly obsess by yourself.
Take time for fun. Hobbies, dates with our wives (I know that not all pastors are men but I am SBC), time with family and friends are all important. All of those things your primary care physician lectures you about – eat right, get enough sleep, exercise a little – really are important. And, they really will make a difference.
Finally, be transparent. I read a post by a young pastor who is leaving the ministry (read it here). He had some good things to say about how people can mistreat their pastors. And how one individual tends to get blamed for systemic problems. But he also said this:
“Ministers spend their entire life pretending to like a portion of the population that they really cannot stand… ministers constantly berate themselves for not being perfect and they spend an inordinate amount of time in introspection.”
(I included this quote and link because I think the sentiment is shared by many ministers.) But I have a lot of problems with that statement. I can’t believe to be a pastor is to be called to a life of dishonesty. Certainly we need to be civil. And we will be called to exercise diplomacy from time to time. But to spend a life time pretending? Count me out. There may be times when we need to follow the old chestnut about hating the sin and loving the sinner. There will be other times when we need to confront whatever it is we can’t stand about the other person.
And I firmly believe that pefectionism and “inordinate introspection” are character traits, not part of a pastor’s calling. Be who you are: that’s who God called to ministry and sent to that congregation.
Anyway… these thoughts are a rough draft and not fully fleshed out yet. Any other ideas for managing stress in the ministry (interim or otherwise)?
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