Ruth Peters, writing for MSNBC, asks Should you stay together for the kids? Citing Judith Wallerstein, she writes
(Wallerstein) theorizes that keeping the family intact is of such import that, even if unhappy or lonely, parents who are able to remain civil (not exposing the kids to fights, coldness or extreme disagreements) provide a better option than divorce.
Dr. Peters goes on to ask the question, “Should parents put the happiness and the welfare of the children before their own?”
I believe that your happiness as an adult should not interfere with the welfare of your children, whenever possible. You’re the adult, and they are just kids. The fireworks may have fizzled from your marriage and you may not even find your spouse interesting or attractive. But he or she is the father or mother of your children and you should invest considerable time, attention, soul-searching and honest introspection before making a decision to forever change the dynamics and stability of your marriage and your home. If you haven’t sought counseling (an honest, sincere attempt here, folks!) then do so immediately. Talk with your religious leader, a trusted friend or family member who has evidenced good judgment in their own private life, or a therapist. Sure, marital therapy is often unsuccessful, but just as frequently changes can be made that alter the marital dynamic and the relationship can be more successful and rewarding. In other words, try to fix the situation before bailing out.
I don’t have too much of a problem with what she is trying to say here. I just wish the focus weren’t on happiness. Happiness is nice when it occurs. On the whole, I’d rather be happy than unhappy. I just don’t think the pursuit of happiness is a worthy life goal.
I think the more I concentrate on the welfare of the whole family, the greater the odds are I will be happy.
Besides, the failure rate of second marriages seems to suggest divorce and remarriage isn’t a sure-fire pathway to happiness.
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