…Research published last week found that a woman’s libido drops steeply after marriage. Experts believe that levels of phenylethylamine, the so-called “love chemical”, fall in women but not in men once they are in a secure relationship. This may add to the problems of couples in their first year of married life.
Postnuptial depression may also set in because many couples have not thought about their lives beyond saying “I do”. According to Dr Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist in New York, there is no such thing as a “honeymoon period” in a marriage and a couple’s relationship will need work straight away.
I’m often frustrated with people’s attitudes towards weddings. As a counselor it is frustrating to see people spend thousands of dollars and months of planning on getting married and little or no preparation for being married.
As a minister, I would rather conduct a funeral than officiate a wedding any day of the week. At a funeral, I have the opportunity to be helpful to family and friends. At a wedding, the minister is often just an accessory. A wedding is supposed to be a religious ceremony and like all religious ceremonies it should point the participants toward God. (Yeah right… try explaining that to the bride’s mother.)
Meaningful premarital counseling – as opposed to pre-wedding counseling that focuses on the ceremony itself instead of the communication and problem solving skills necessary to build a successful marriage – will go a long way to prevent the “postnuptial blues”.
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
It’s good to hear that I’m not the only one who prefers funerals to weddings. I’ve found that I’m generally just another actor on the stage when it comes to weddings. A funeral, however, is a genuine opportunity to make a difference in the lives of those who are present.
Bowden–I really appreciate your blog and the good information that you are providing.
–Dave
Dave,
Thank you.
And, don’t get me started on wedding planners!
Bowden,
You can say that again. I’d rather be there for people at a funeral a hundreds times more than at a wedding and it’s not because I don’t enjoy the life, spirit of joy, and the beginning of a real covenant relationship, because I do. It is because of exactly what you said…the lack of understanding and involvement in being prepared adequately and an, all too often, excitement about the SHOW than the HEART of the matter. At least at a funeral you’re in touch with reality.
It may be this comes with age and experience and I certainly am not condemning anyone is excited about a wedding they are preparing for, it’s just that real preparation is far more than gowns, flowers, tuxes, and cakes. [i'll stop now.
]
Bowden is that anything like ‘buyers remorse’?
Seriously, I have always thought ministers should never perform a wedding without counseling but then there’s always the JP and he doesn’t ask questions…
Josh
“…the word of God is not bound.”
–2 Timothy 2:9
Josh,
You’ve heard that “love is blind”? The truth is that phenylethylamine is responsible for an altered state of consciousness. In other words, love isn’t blind, love is stupid.
When it wears off, reality sets in. I guess you could call that “buyers remorse”.
love is stupid
*chuckle
Josh
“…the word of God is not bound.”
–2 Timothy 2:9