Proverbs 22: 6 “Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (HCSB)
I’m writing about parents who seem to wait until their children are teenagers before they become interested in parenting. “Oh great”, I can hear some of you thinking, “Another ‘lets blame the parents’ diatribe.”
Well… Sometimes… Yeah. Ineffectual parenting is at fault.
The sad truth is that my counseling practice tends to get very busy one week after grade cards come out. The drop in grades is often the first inkling some parents have about a problem. As I interview the family I usually discover the signs and symptoms were there; some parents ignored them willfully, others out of ignorance.
Yesterday, I wrote
The reasons for the minimal involvement and permissiveness vary. Some are self centered, too busy to be bothered with the work of parenting. Some are fearful: when their child looked at them at the age of two and declared, “I hate you”, they made a decision to do whatever it took to never hear those words again. Others are simply repeating a generational pattern; doing the best they know how, knowing it’s not good enough.
There is another scenario that is fairly common: one parent goes overboard being lenient and permissive in an attempt to ‘balance out’ their strict and rigid spouse.
One of the first rules of effective parenting is both parents need to be on the same page. Consistency coupled with team work will cover a multitude of parenting mistakes. I don’t believe there is one right way to raise children. Every day presents options and choices. I’m not foolish enough to think I can predict the one course of action will guarantee positive parenting results.
I can, however, predict that if Mom makes a choice to be lenient and Dad chooses rigidity (or the other way around) then trouble is just around the corner.
It seems that even the best of kids understand the principle of ‘divide and conquer’. Lack of unity doesn’t have to happen very often before a child realizes it’s possible to keep Mom and Dad fighting with each other and ignoring him.
The only way I know to be consistent in parenting is to talk. And then talk some more. Hash out one common child-rearing philosophy BEFORE there are problems. That way, when life presents you with options, you will already know which road you – as a couple – want to go down.
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