Myth #8: Following divorce, the children involved are better off in stepfamilies than in single-parent families. (From David Popenoe’s Top Ten Myths of Divorce.) Popenoe writes:
The evidence suggests that stepfamilies are no improvement over single-parent families, even though typically income levels are higher and there is a father figure in the home. Stepfamilies tend to have their own set of problems, including interpersonal conflicts with new parent figures and a very high risk of family breakup.
As a therapist who works with many blended families, I don’t like this statement. I understand it: second marriages are more likely to dissolve than first marriages. Couples often don’t learn from their earlier relationship mistakes and repeat the same dysfunctional patterns in the next marriage. Additionally, there’s the whole two homes with two different sets of rules that children have to contend with.
I don’t like the above statement because too many people accept it as their destiny. I would like to think the work I do with blended families can help create a healthy, godly atmosphere in which to raise children. But then I remember that just because one set of parents is doing all they can for the good of the kids doesn’t mean the other set of parents can’t still be stuck in bitterness and resentment. One of the more common complaints I hear from remarried couples is the stress from dealing with one or more “crazy ex”.
Popenoe cites two books related to this myth: Stepfamilies: Who Benefits? Who Does Not?
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