Effects of Cohabitation Length on Personal and Relational Well Being
The Alabama Policy Institute (API) conducted a study of more than 1,300 married couples. The study shows that the longer a couple cohabits before marriage, the less satisfied they are with their marriage.
The longer a couple cohabits before marriage, the greater the amount of negative stresses on them. If cohabiters, by nature, already have less commitment to marriage than those who choose to marry without cohabiting, the presence of these stressors might be just enough reason for them to end the relationship.
This is consistent with Dr. Scott Stanley’s findings on commitment. Dr. Stanley refers to this phenomenon as “sliding into marriage”.
The API article concludes with,
“The length of time a couple cohabits also increases (modestly but significantly) the number of
stressors in the subsequent marriage, thereby reducing the personal and social well being of cohabitors who eventually marry. The longer the cohabitation experience, the more likely married individuals are to question the value of marital permanence. Couples who do not cohabit prior to marriage, on the other hand, are more likely to accept that various small stressors are part of the normal cost of commitment to marital permanence.”
I know that when I talk with college students about current research on cohabitation they typically express incredulity. It just makes sense to live together first, they say. That’s when I hit them with the CSI metaphor: follow the evidence. (Isn’t that what Grissom is always telling his team?) Put your biases aside and see where the research leads.
It doesn’t lead to living together and then sliding into marriage.
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Thanks for sharing the results of the study. They are eye-opening indeed. With less and less stigma attached to cohabitation, maybe the scientific evidence will accomplish what shame once did to discourage the practice.
Gary,
I’m not too confident social science research – facts – will have much of an impact on what people want.
But… I’ll keep trying.
For some reason, I’m reminded of a study done with people and pictures. The researcher offered folks a free photo of themselves, with the following differences:
One group was offered a picture with the provision that, when they selected one from the proof set, the other proofs would be destroyed and they’d get the one they chose.
The other group was told that they’d have the option, after 30 days, to bring their first choice back and swap it for a different one.
They found that the group that had to make an irrevocable choice was happy with their choice, almost without exception. On the other hand, the group given the option to exchange later almost always did, but was substantially less happy with either choice, than the first group.
I think it has something to do with commitment. I am personally thankful for a father who told me … and I can remember the conversation as though it were yesterday … in matters that weren’t life-or-death, just study the facts and then make a decision and then never, ever revisit the decision. Otherwise, he said, I’d never be happy with a house, a car, or even a meal.
ps: If this is where I read about the study, well, my apologies for any errors in my imagination.
Bob,
Didn’t read that here; but I’d love to find it.
Thats good advice Bob. I know a lot of people that can’t be happy because of that very reason.
Josh
“…the word of God is not bound.”
–2 Timothy 2:9