“Can I tell you something… just between us?”
Most counselors know to be careful with the above request. Unfortunately, many ministers and lay leaders aren’t so careful. If you give people a blanket “yes”, you could be headed for trouble.
The problem is you may quickly hear information you need to act upon; only you’ve already promised not to. What if someone tells you they’re suicidal? Or discloses an instance of child abuse?
Confidentiality has limits. My professional code of ethics mandates I “disclose to clients and other interested parties, as early as feasible in (my) professional contacts, the nature of confidentiality and possible limitations of the clients’ right to confidentiality.” The idea is one of informed consent: that people have the right to know up front what they can expect out of a counseling relationship.
Ministers, youth leaders, coaches, etc. should probably respond to the above question by saying, “Maybe. I can’t promise it will be just between us until I know more about what ‘it’ is.”
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I’d like to comment but I don’t want to break confidentiality.
Kevin,
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as a teacher I have been in that spot with my students as well and shortly into my first year of teacing I started telling my kids that I could not promise to not tell anyone untill I knew what it was. Most of the time they don’t really care and tell me anyway. there have actually been very few times when something needed to be acted on though.
Good advice. Just between you and me…and like a billion other people since this is the internet…have you started your church plant yet?
Josh
“…the word of God is not bound.”
–2 Timothy 2:9
Josh,
If – and it’s a big ‘if’ – I ever plant a church, it will be after my daughter graduates from high school (a little over two years from now).
Good way to handle it! My own, though it has been effective, is a bit more heavy-handed, “I’m good at keeping confidences, but not secrets. A ‘confidence’ is something you tell me that is about yourself, or me. I can keep those, at least within the bounds of legality and ethics. But secrets are things you tell me about a third person. I’m no good at all at keeping them.”
John Fariss