I closed my blog that dealt with SBC issues some time ago. Not wanting to lose all the posts, I’m re-publishing some of them here with the date they were originally posted.
Or, Why I don’t keep secrets.
I’m not referring to maintaining the confidentiality of counseling clients; of course I keep those secrets. I’m talking about the friend, colleague, or church member who pulls me aside and says, “Now, this is just between us”. Whoa, hold the phone, stop right there. “I would rather not hear this” is my usual reply. Unfortunately, some people don’t say that until after they’ve said whatever it is they feel obligated to disclose. That just makes me mad.
“What? Now I’m a part of this sordid little mess?”
Because a mess is usually what it is. The messes often fall into one of two categories.
First, the church member who stopped me in the hall may be making a genuine plea for help. By talking in the hallway and agreeing to keep it “just between us” I’ve minimized the severity of the crisis. This isn’t counseling or pastoral care, it’s just a quick little conversation between friends. And right now, they don’t need a friend, they need a counselor or a pastor. I have no time to slip into counselor mode, I can’t take any notes (and with my memory, notes are a necessity), I don’t have the time to think things through and make an appropriate referral, and we could easily be overheard.
Plus, I’ve found the people who casually stop me in the hallway for a more-than-casual conversation rarely follow through. It is as though a quick conversation allayed their anxiety enough for them to go on. I don’t like being used as a temporary, quick fix.
Or, the second (and larger) category of “keep this between us” is nothing more or less than gossip. Ministers are the worst. “Did you hear about Brother Smith?” No. And, I don’t think I want to.
Sometimes I try and use a little humor: “Don’t tell me ’cause I can’t keep a secret”. Or, “What would I ever blog about if I kept everything in confidence”. Other times I go directly to the heart of the matter: if it shouldn’t get around, why are you telling me?
I think the next time we move or change churches, I’ll just lie and tell everybody I work for the IRS. That way, no one will want to talk with me.
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