This (Preparing for Divorce While Happily Married: Tips from a Divorce Lawyer
From the review at Amazon.com:
Divorce can be a phenomenally costly process-both financially and emotionally. But there are ways to reduce the costs of this high stakes game. There are ways to take control of the process. The type of preparation I discuss in this book can save you thousands of dollars in attorneys’ fees-as well as many years of therapy. As you will see from reading this book, if you wait until the divorce process has started to begin preparing for your divorce, it is too late; you will have already lost. The process of planning for a divorce-or at least recognizing some of the important elements, and potential risks, procedures, and rules-must begin several years before the divorce has been initiated. Preparing for a divorce involves lengthy and painstaking financial and professional commitments, and the sooner you begin to understand what could be at stake, the better.
From the St. Paul Pioneer Press:
(Author Jonathon Fogel says,) “I like to think of this book as ‘divorce insurance,’ in the event the unthinkable occurs.”
As unromantic as it might sound, Fogel advises taking the first step in preparing for a divorce right after you return from your honeymoon. That is the time to establish a savings account at a bank where you and your spouse have no existing accounts. Make regular deposits to this account small enough not to be noticed by your spouse. This is your divorce fund, should you need it; retainers for divorce attorneys generally range from $5,000 to $10,000.
You should also consider the timing of your divorce. For example, child-support and spousal-maintenance obligations are based on current income, so waiting for a time when your income is lowest or highest can be beneficial.
Fogel offers many tips for protecting assets and personal property. He includes steps to take well ahead of a divorce on credit and credit cards, life insurance, account statements, inheritance and property or money you hold separately.
So…Fogel’s advice is to keep secrets from your spouse, hide money, find a good divorce attorney early in the marriage, and position yourself to win a custody battle (as opposed, one infers, to being genuinely interested in your children’s welfare). Although Fogel describes his book as ‘divorce insurance’, the advice sounds more like how to ensure your marriage won’t last.
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Bowden,
There’s a joke in the business world that the time to start looking for your next job is when you start your current job. It’s a nod to the acknowledgement that the long-held social contract of life-time employment no longer exists between employer and employee. Because of this change in social convention, employees have no expectation that they will stay in a job long-term.
This mentality has transferred to marriage. Because the long-held social contract of marriage for life has been overturned, people no longer have the expectation they will be in the marriage for long. Our society, through the legislature and court system, have only added to this belief. Through no-fault (or unilateral) divorce, the marriage contract has less legal enforcement than a warranty on a dishwasher. As a result, we end up with the “wisdom” you cited in your post.
It is shocking that a divorce attorney would provide advice that would directly lead to increased business.
Collaborative Practice was unfortunately referenced in the pioneer press article. Collaborative practice dovorce offers a more relationaly healthy approach to marriage and divorce in my humble opinion. We, the collaborative attorneys, sign a contract that basically says
if we can’t help you settle yuor case outside of court (and therefore w/o incurring exhorbitant fees hurting eachother through adversarial process), we are fired. That’s right. Out of a job. If one side decides to go to court, both lawyers are automatically fired.
Please check out what Collaborative Practice is from the non-profit organizations or from attorneys who have been trained in and resolved cases through the collaborative process.