Love, at least in a marriage, is a combination of passion and commitment. One of the more difficult – and increasingly common – problems in marital therapy is what does one spouse do when he or she realizes commitment is the only thing keeping their partner in the marriage?
Passion, that feeling of being in love, will likely come and go throughout a long term marriage. It’s a relatively easy thing to help a couple reignite their passion when both are willing.
A little more difficult, but by no means impossible, is helping one spouse find passion when it has waned.
But what do you do when it’s the other spouse – the one not in the counselor’s office – who is determined to stay in a passionless marriage?
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You’re asking ME?
Bob,
Yes; not because I think you’ve been in this situation but because I (and my readers) need to hear from people who have been married a l-o-n-g time. I’m sure you’ve heard this from other couples: what do you tell them? You’re a pretty smart guy who’s been married a lot of years… all kidding aside, I’m interested in what you would say.
Hi there~ I stumbled over your blog a little while ago…
Great question!
As someone who has been married for 20 years, my dh and I have found that the commitment to stay (when it’s felt passionless)is what has made it more passionate over time.
I don’t necessarily agree with the post’s definition of “love” –a combination of passion/commitment, since I feel passion in relationships nowadays is over-emphasized. Dh and I have found “passion to the commitment/marriage” has worked and ends up making us closer and more passionate toward each other.
Bonnie,
Thanks for visiting Counseling Notes. I look forward to checking out your blog.