Triggers for Marital Arguments: Rejection
A few days ago, I wrote about four triggers that start arguments in marriages. (Taken from Andrew Christensen’s Reconcilable Differences.) The first three triggers – criticism, unfair demands, and cumulative annoyances – are brought about when your spouse does something. (Or, when you believe your spouse has done something.) Rejection occurs when your mate fails [...]
Triggers for Marital Arguments: Cumulative Annoyance
A few days ago, I wrote about four triggers that start arguments in marriages. (Taken from Andrew Christensen’s Reconcilable Differences.) I once worked with a couple who argued – passionately – over whether toilet paper should go “over” or “under” when placed in the holder. I have a very vivid memory of the husband (an [...]
Dropping Out of Therapy
I hate it when my clients prematurely drop out of therapy. And not just for the same obvious reasons our business manager hates to have clients drop out. It’s not those who are nearing the end of therapy and doing better that I get upset over, it’s those individuals and couples who are still stuck [...]
Triggers for Marital Arguments: Unfair Demands
A few days ago, I wrote about four triggers that start arguments in marriages. (Taken from Andrew Christensen’s Reconcilable Differences.) One of the most common demands I encounter as a therapist is one spouse saying to the other, “We need to talk: NOW!”. Think about it; something has been on your mind all day… eight [...]
Triggers for Marital Arguments: Criticism
A few days ago, I wrote about four triggers that start arguments in marriages. (Taken from Andrew Christensen’s Reconcilable Differences.) Criticism is de-valuing another’s thoughts, feelings, or person. It can be blatant (“you’re fat and so’s your mother”). Or, criticism can be subtle (“When you said the same thing to me, I didn’t get mad”). [...]
Common Triggers for Marital Arguments
Andrew Christensen, in his book Reconcilable Differences, lists four common triggers to marital arguments: 1) Criticism: Nobody likes to be criticized. Of course, few of us are intending criticism; we’re just trying to help. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if I have in fact been criticized, or if I have distorted an innocent observation and [...]
Monkey Porn
Comments OffIn a study sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health and the Cure Autism Now Foundation, researchers discovered male monkeys will give up “juice rewards” in order to “ogle pictures of female monkey’s bottoms”. The intent of the research is to learn more about the social machinery of the brain with an eye toward [...]
Blogs, pictures, and pedophiles
Even though I promised myself writing a blog and reading others would not become a time-consuming hobby, it has. One of the things I have noticed as I read other’s blogs (mostly pastor’s blogs) is how many of the younger guys write about their families and post pictures. Maybe I’m just a cynic. Or perhaps [...]
Structured Separation
Often, I see couples for marital therapy after a separation has already occurred. I’m not a big fan of separation as a tool for marital counseling. I think separation is practice for divorce. I generally ask, “What’s the goal for your separation?” I usually get blank stares from both parties. How long will the separation [...]
Cheating in Marriage
Pat Love spoke at the Smart Marriages conference on the power of passion in marriage. One of the things she said we need to do is LEARN TO CHEAT. Not cheating in one’s marriage. Cheating on housework and career for one’s marriage. What good is it to have an immaculate house or garden if your [...]
